Introducing Mr. Douchebag

I was recently reminded of a retard from my past, so I dug up a nice little message he sent me a few months ago. We'll call him Mr. Douchebag

I've probably been chatting with Mr. Douchebag for about a year now. He's always been pretty clear and upfront about wanting to sleep with me, which I guess I appreciate.

I have to say I learned some time ago that if you don't go with your gut instincts, you may regret it. And I've learned some tactics on how to weed out the weirdos and complete freaks before I ever make the bad decision of meeting them in person. Mr. Douchebag set off a couple of warning bells for me, so I've never agreed to meet him in person.

Once, after not speaking to him for a month or two, I received this message from out of the blue:

so I met a girl you saw in person. she said your body was disappointing, kinda chunky

I must say that initially I was taken aback and a little hurt. Luckily, I have a little bit of self confidence and some good friends who take care of me.

I couldn't help but respond to such a message. And I asked why he would say such a thing to someone. I believe his response was something about because he was asshole (obviously) and I annoyed him. Again... we hadn't spoken in over a month.

Turns out my gut instincts were correct.

So ladies please take note: if something feels weird, don't just dismiss it. There may be a very good reason you feel weird about someone.

And guys, please also take note: rude, aggressive remarks are. Not. Ok. This is not the way to treat anyone, least of all a girl who's pants you're trying to get into.

I'm Deeply Sorry to have Annoyed You!

Much like KISS or Cher, Mr. Talks-a-Lot can't stop saying good-bye. I'm sure you're all shocked.

Ack, okay, ONE last message, an apology.

I think I've got it. Sorry! :( I probably came off as completely full of myself and arrogant. I assure you that is NOT the case. I just talked myself up... I just realized it last week when someone pointed it out to me and then I went "oh crap..." I dunno how many people I've affected, but I owe you a huge apology because you were so adamant in writing me back and even reading my message. I'm sure that's why you stopped talking to me.

I'm deeply sorry to have annoyed you! I do NOT at all expect any sort of reply as I'm the one apologizing here. While there's no way to make it up to you since you're no longer on speaking terms with me, I hope to leave you with at least the notice that I am now aware of this and will no longer make such first impressions on others in the future. It is not in my style, and I am completely ashamed at what I have said and done so far. I was out of line.

Thank you very much,
--Mr. Talks-a-Lot

If you just read the message without knowing the back story on this guy, it might seem like he had a bit of an epiphany. One might even say that he was deserving of a second chance. But please. After the numerous messages and chats he's had with himself, no way.

While we're on this topic (yet again), would anyone like to take bets on how many more messages I'm going to get? And for how long? I kind of wonder if he's going to continue with this for years to come. No, seriously.

Introducing Mr. Delusional

There's a boy I've been a casual acquaintance of for a little over six months. We'll call him Mr. Delusional, and I think you'll see why shortly.

It's no secret that he's been a little infatuated with me. But I don't see him often, and most of our interactions are limited to myspace. He's in his mid-twenties and doesn't live terribly close.

Today, I was showing a friend his page on myspace when I made the discovery that he had started a new photo album for his favorite girls. And I'm one of them. Keep in mind he's not actually romantically involved with any of them.

As if that wasn't entertaining enough, he sent me a message a few moments later:

So I printed off your picture and took it to work to put in my toolbox.....ya know it helps the day pass better...+cough+ So anyway the guys started coming by and they asked who you were and I kinda told them....ya know just so it would be easy to explain....that um....+coughyouweremygirlcough+

I'm not even sure how to deal with this one. He's one I'll actually run into in the future, so this should be fun.