Unfriended

Just when you thought he was finished, he's back to make a bigger fool of himself.

That's right, kids. Mr. Talks-a-Lot made yet ANOTHER appearance as his removed me from his myspace. Apparently doing so also necessitated one more message.

Hey, I unfriended you on here so you don't have to worry about me showing up in your buddy list. Sorry about that. I couldn't figure out how to unfriend you for the longest time.

I know I said I'd keep outta your hair, but I think at least this warrants some kinda message. Again, if I was wrong in my assumption, feel free to tell me.

My apologies,
Mr. Talks-a-Lot

This kid seriously needs some social skills. Stat!

I Am With No One

I know that normally I'm frustrated and irritated with the retards I attract. And that's genuine. When you're searching for someone to legitimately date, it grows tiresome when you can find nothing but nooblets who have no idea how to talk to a woman.

But Mr. Headcase is different. There's something special about him that entertains me. He amuses me like a shiny, new plaything. Criticize me if you will, but I can't help toying with him like a cat batting at a mouse. Before she devours it.

me: tell me something interesting

Mr. Headcase: like what

me: Anything.
a story
a joke
something interesting you've done lately

Mr. Headcase: sex

me: I'm sorry?
what?

Mr. Headcase: i had sex 7days straight

me: Um... wow.

Mr. Headcase: dont get mad ur not my gf remember

me: No one's mad. I mean I'm glad you're... getting... some. I just don't normally talk about such things with people.

Mr. Headcase: i see
r u really glad or r u mad that i didnt give it to u

me: What? Of course I'm not mad. I had my chance and I gave it up. I have no right to be mad.

Mr. Headcase: what u meann u had ur chance

me: I mean you said you were interested in talking and stuff. You gave me the chance to do that. I didn't take it, so why would I be mad?

Mr. Headcase: whell r u still wanting that chance

me: That would be rather silly of me.
I made my decision. I stand by it. Especially since you've apparently found someone that makes you happy.

Mr. Headcase: i am with no one

me: but you're having sex?

Mr. Headcase: benifits

me: I see.
Well that's nice, I'll bet.
I'm actually dating someone now.

Mr. Headcase: k same here

me: I thought you said it was just benefits?
and that you are with no one?

Mr. Headcase: nope
gf

So I gave him a gentle reminder of the conversation we had been having. By copying and pasting the portion where he clearly states he is with no one and the sex is just benefits, or rather "benifits". Suddenly he goes quiet. How very strange!

me: hey... Where'd you go?

Mr. Headcase: g2g

me: Why?

Mr. Headcase: work

Maybe it's just me, but -- oh who am I kidding? This guy is jacked up in the head.

I Don't Like Typing What I am Saying

The start of the holidays has kept me rather busy, but I've had a couple of conversations pulled and ready for blog prepping.

Mr. Headcase: nothing and arent u too busy to talk to me

me: I'm at work. I have time at work.
Which is why I said we could chat online

Mr. Headcase: well i am too busy to chat online that is why i chat on the phone

me: And yet you're online right now
...chatting

Mr. Headcase: i am not chatting i am looking up codes for my games

me: Oh my bad.
I guess I just don't understand how you can have time for the phone, but not to be online.

Mr. Headcase: because i dont like typing what i am saying

me: Seems odd for someone I met in a role playing chat room

Mr. Headcase: nvm

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. But I promise it gets even better.

U Don't Want Me to Come Visit U?

I don't think today's entry from Mr. Headcase needs much introduction. Or breakdown. It stands on it's own quite well.

Mr. Headcase: did u get my number that i sent u on yahoo

me: I did, but I didn't actually save it. I just don't have time to talk other than online

Mr. Headcase: why dont u have time

me: because I'm extremely busy

Mr. Headcase: where here it is again so u can save it so we can get to know each other better {phone number removed to protect the retards of the world}

me: I'm not going to call.

Mr. Headcase: u dont have to u can text me and u can call me when u have free time before u get busy

me: that just doesn't happen. I would prefer to just talk online

Mr. Headcase: so how would u talk to me whenever i came to see u

me: You're not coming to see me.

Mr. Headcase: says who

me: Says me. I just said it. Right there. Two messages above this one.

Mr. Headcase: lol. what u dont want me to come visit u?

me: No.

Mr. Headcase: oh but let me guess if i lived in the same city as u and gave u my number u would talk to me on the phone and meet me in person wouldnt u?

me: No, probably not.

Introducing Mr. Headcase

I'd like to introduce you to a dear retard of mine. He's been around for a while and pops up on my IM once every month or so. I thought I'd take us back a few months and let you enjoy the idiocy of one of the greatest retards I know.

To really let you enjoy the special...ness of this particular guy, I'm going to have to out myself as a dork. When I was in highschool, I didn't have many friends and spent a lot of time online in chat rooms. I was a big fan of anime at the time, so I could usually be found in one of several anime chats, oftentimes role playing with the other freaks, geeks, and outcasts of the world. For the record, I haven't role played like that in years.

The point is, that's where I met this guy. We hadn't spoken for years. So long I had completely forgotten about him. But I haven't changed screen names on my instant messengers almost ever and he hopped on his old one and found me.

He tried to role play with me a bit, but I wasn't really having much of it. It's something I grew out of, but apparently he didn't because he's in his late twenties and still doing it. Luckily, he's living in a state half way across the country from me. The very first chat we had after so many years included this little gem:

Mr. Headcase: cool i am lookin for a good woman i am tired of being hurt and played

me: Yea, i hear you.

Mr. Headcase: would u be interested

me: Not really.
I'm more interested in dating people I can actually go on dates with.

Mr. Headcase: so u dont do long distance

me: No, not really.

Mr. Headcase: then ur very open minded

me: No, I just know what I want.
And it doesn't include dating someone I can't see or touch
I've been there and I didn't like it

Mr. Headcase: u could see and touch me i can visit u and talk on the phone with u

me: I'm also not really interested in getting into a relationship with someone I don't know.

Mr. Headcase: thats why we talk on the phone to get know each other and when i came to see u and u wanted me to stay with u and not go back then i would live with u

I told you he was special. Obviously I'm doing my best to not encourage his infatuation, but his IMs are always so entertaining. Even after stating pretty clearly I wasn't interested in a relationship with him, we continued chatting for a minute or two. I'll let you read the closing.

me: I'm getting off work in five minutes, so I'm going to be logging off

Mr. Headcase: ?
why

me: because I'm getting off work
and leaving the computer

Mr. Headcase: oh i thought u wanted to get to know me

me: I don't really know what's confusing about the part where I get off work in two minutes... and am therefore leaving my desk.

I'm sure you can only imagine some of the fun things he's said to me. And I'll share more in future posts. Meanwhile, I'll do my best to keep him talking, because this is just pure, retardation at it's comedic best.

The end? Perhaps.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot emailed me, as he promised to do last Friday morning. I think it's best to just let the message stand on it's own so here it is:

So... I figure, just assuming, but I don't know, that you've been avoiding me. That's fine. I would've liked some notice, but meh. If I'm wrong, good for me, if I'm right, good for you.

I don't like making people feel uncomfortable nor do I like trying to be friends w/ someone that doesn't wanna be friends back. If you'd prefer to cut contact w/ me completely, I'll go ahead and remove all traces of you. I dunno what I did or maybe what happened in your life, but it's not my choice what other people think so I'm not gonna get mad or anything. I probably came on too strong which is reasonable.

Well that's all I really thought I should say. Seems like I'm just not getting the point, or you're really just that busy. If I don't get a response in a few days, I think I'll go ahead and remove you so you don't have to deal with me anymore. Sorry about all of this; didn't mean to freak you out at all, but feel free to message any time. I never seem to hold a grudge.

I thought that would be the end of it, but three days later he IMed.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: howdy
ok, well goodbye forever? ha ha ha. I had forgotten I wrote that e-mail, lol! I stand by my word so don't sorry about me buggin' ya anymore. :P I had fun talkin' to you though.

So hopefully it's done now, but I'm not holding my breath.

Retard 1

I'm not even going to bother giving this kid a name, because I don't expect you'll ever hear about him again. But this was just too idiotic to not share.

I received a message today. The picture is the first thing I saw, and I was intrigued, initially. Upon opening the message, I was disappointed. It read:

hey we should hang out sometime and see where the evening goes?

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt -- after all, perhaps he was just in a hurry -- so I opened his profile. Not a word is written, and only one small photo has been added.

So let me get this straight. You have offered me not a scrap of information about yourself, but you'd like to hang and see where the evening goes? Does anyone fall for this? Does anyone not see this is an extremely thin veiled attempt at nothing more than getting in my pants? If that's all you're looking for, fine. But at least be upfront and honest about it rather than trying to lure me on a psuedo date and then jump me.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot or the Energizer Bunny?

Mr. Talks-a-Lot didn't take long to do the math. He realizes I haven't responded to his messages in a week, even though he has seen my status change from online to idle and back again.

Yesterday I received these two messages...

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: did, I do anything to offend or freak you out? Since you haven't answered my IMs in a week, and I just met you, it's a reasonable assumption. I mean, you don't know me so there's a good chance you probably wouldn't tell me even if you were wanting to say "I don't feel comfortable talking to you anymore". 'S not a big deal, you don't need to get to it today. I'll probably e-mail next week to confirm.

No reply will probably be a good indicator, but i'd rather not remove someone from my life whom I don't have confirmation if I'm even doing the right thing.

I'm pretty sure the week-long silence he received after putting the ball in my court is all the indicator anyone would need. But this one just keeps on going!

And to make things ten times funnier, he sent this message today...

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: This is cool. I've bought another microphone, and I'm looking for some nice floor-standing speakers.

As if none of the things from yesterday had been said. And as if I haven't been silent for well over a week now. I didn't know that people were this dense. It's so fascinating!

Introducing Mr. Talks-a-Lot

Most people know when it's time to stop talking. I recently encountered a boy who didn't.



The first message he sent me was long, but I thought it was just a bit of nervous energy. I found it endearing and figured he would stop once he calmed down a bit. We switched to instant messenger almost immediately, and our first bits of conversation were alright. But then he caught me at work. Which was fine! I'll chat at work, but I'm not always quick to respond. I just need a little patience. And it's not that he got impatient with me, he just wouldn't stop typing.


Eventually I was only sending generic responses. Sometimes one-word, generic responses. And he just keeps on going.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: I'm gonna see how it feels now to play StepMania w/ TWO drum sets :P

me: I don't even know what that is

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ever heard of Rock Band? or DDR? or Guitar Hero?

me: yes

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ok well StepMania = DDR kinda... I'll have to explain it sometime

me: right on

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: so the drums I'm using to play are two Rock Band ones

I have two so when I have ppl over and wanna play StepMania, it's rare that I'd break out the pads so I play on these now

me: cool

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: and now that I have two, others can play with me yeah better than playing alone

this is awesome! but hard bc I'm confused as to which drum is which now because there are 8 of 'em

so does DDR via drums sound fun at all?

me: Oh. I dunno. I think I'd rather play it with the dance pads

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ah yeah that's what I thought

until I used the drums, lol. I prefer to play w/ dance mats, but like, this is so fun!

it's easy to setup, Don't need to put big heavy wooden board on the ground and hook up the pads and then switch over my desktop to the TV.

Just kinda one of those things that I have to get setup for

plus, I'm a percussionist who didn't play drums that much, ha ha ha

I played mallet instruments a lot btw, wanna hear something I composed kinda by accident?

I have a folder of some stuff I've done online. Not much of it is really good, but I do know that Project 4 and the stuff from Summer 2005 sounds fine, ha ha ha.

I was clearly uninterested, and he just kept talking. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I'm probably not interested in meeting Mr. Talks-a-Lot in person. He finally just asked -- point blank -- if I would feel comfortable hanging out sometime. I responded that I didn't really know. He seemed to sort of take the hint. He chatted for a minute or two (with no response from me) about how he would kind of leave the ball in my court. Phenomenal! I'm back in control and he'll go away. Right?



Wrong. He has sent me messages every day this week. None of which I responded to. My favorite was on Monday:

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: aloha :P

Man, I couldn't sleep last night so I came to work an hour earl

so I just realized something. I know the people on the end of the line when I call Sprint tech support. I guess I've called enough or gotten the same people enough to know their voices! Lol
one of the ladies is in TX
and hmm... I wonder if I've said anything offensive to you. it's about 50/50 with people if things I say come off that way or not. It's probably why I wanna meet you in person at least once. That usually helps to get rid of anything that would prevent you from "getting it" I guess. Also, it helps me figure out to prevent anything like that from happening.

YES! For once, real work is actually fun in comparison to tedious fix all work. In other news, the sound quality on my new phone is AMAZING

trying to stay awake. I fell asleep in my chair and they threw a foam football at me, lol

The messages are becoming fewer, so that's good. But he just doesn't seem to get it.

Starting Somewhere in the Middle

I'm a single, twenty-something female and I have a problem: I attract retards. You may scoff, but it's true! And they come in all forms. Socially awkward boys who don't even realize they're tripping all over themselves when they speak. Boys who never truly outgrew the weird middle school phase. Drama queens. Liars. The list goes on and my hope is to share them all with you.

I'm an active girl who keeps myself fairly busy with work and hobbies. I don't meet a lot of men in my normal day-to-day activities, so I signed up with an online dating website. I spend a decent amount of time online and I wind up chatting with a fair amount of boys. Over the course of the next who-knows-how-long, I hope to document some of those conversations here for your amusement. And believe me, they can certainly be amusing.