Retard 1

I'm not even going to bother giving this kid a name, because I don't expect you'll ever hear about him again. But this was just too idiotic to not share.

I received a message today. The picture is the first thing I saw, and I was intrigued, initially. Upon opening the message, I was disappointed. It read:

hey we should hang out sometime and see where the evening goes?

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt -- after all, perhaps he was just in a hurry -- so I opened his profile. Not a word is written, and only one small photo has been added.

So let me get this straight. You have offered me not a scrap of information about yourself, but you'd like to hang and see where the evening goes? Does anyone fall for this? Does anyone not see this is an extremely thin veiled attempt at nothing more than getting in my pants? If that's all you're looking for, fine. But at least be upfront and honest about it rather than trying to lure me on a psuedo date and then jump me.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot or the Energizer Bunny?

Mr. Talks-a-Lot didn't take long to do the math. He realizes I haven't responded to his messages in a week, even though he has seen my status change from online to idle and back again.

Yesterday I received these two messages...

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: did, I do anything to offend or freak you out? Since you haven't answered my IMs in a week, and I just met you, it's a reasonable assumption. I mean, you don't know me so there's a good chance you probably wouldn't tell me even if you were wanting to say "I don't feel comfortable talking to you anymore". 'S not a big deal, you don't need to get to it today. I'll probably e-mail next week to confirm.

No reply will probably be a good indicator, but i'd rather not remove someone from my life whom I don't have confirmation if I'm even doing the right thing.

I'm pretty sure the week-long silence he received after putting the ball in my court is all the indicator anyone would need. But this one just keeps on going!

And to make things ten times funnier, he sent this message today...

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: This is cool. I've bought another microphone, and I'm looking for some nice floor-standing speakers.

As if none of the things from yesterday had been said. And as if I haven't been silent for well over a week now. I didn't know that people were this dense. It's so fascinating!

Introducing Mr. Talks-a-Lot

Most people know when it's time to stop talking. I recently encountered a boy who didn't.



The first message he sent me was long, but I thought it was just a bit of nervous energy. I found it endearing and figured he would stop once he calmed down a bit. We switched to instant messenger almost immediately, and our first bits of conversation were alright. But then he caught me at work. Which was fine! I'll chat at work, but I'm not always quick to respond. I just need a little patience. And it's not that he got impatient with me, he just wouldn't stop typing.


Eventually I was only sending generic responses. Sometimes one-word, generic responses. And he just keeps on going.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: I'm gonna see how it feels now to play StepMania w/ TWO drum sets :P

me: I don't even know what that is

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ever heard of Rock Band? or DDR? or Guitar Hero?

me: yes

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ok well StepMania = DDR kinda... I'll have to explain it sometime

me: right on

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: so the drums I'm using to play are two Rock Band ones

I have two so when I have ppl over and wanna play StepMania, it's rare that I'd break out the pads so I play on these now

me: cool

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: and now that I have two, others can play with me yeah better than playing alone

this is awesome! but hard bc I'm confused as to which drum is which now because there are 8 of 'em

so does DDR via drums sound fun at all?

me: Oh. I dunno. I think I'd rather play it with the dance pads

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: ah yeah that's what I thought

until I used the drums, lol. I prefer to play w/ dance mats, but like, this is so fun!

it's easy to setup, Don't need to put big heavy wooden board on the ground and hook up the pads and then switch over my desktop to the TV.

Just kinda one of those things that I have to get setup for

plus, I'm a percussionist who didn't play drums that much, ha ha ha

I played mallet instruments a lot btw, wanna hear something I composed kinda by accident?

I have a folder of some stuff I've done online. Not much of it is really good, but I do know that Project 4 and the stuff from Summer 2005 sounds fine, ha ha ha.

I was clearly uninterested, and he just kept talking. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I'm probably not interested in meeting Mr. Talks-a-Lot in person. He finally just asked -- point blank -- if I would feel comfortable hanging out sometime. I responded that I didn't really know. He seemed to sort of take the hint. He chatted for a minute or two (with no response from me) about how he would kind of leave the ball in my court. Phenomenal! I'm back in control and he'll go away. Right?



Wrong. He has sent me messages every day this week. None of which I responded to. My favorite was on Monday:

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: aloha :P

Man, I couldn't sleep last night so I came to work an hour earl

so I just realized something. I know the people on the end of the line when I call Sprint tech support. I guess I've called enough or gotten the same people enough to know their voices! Lol
one of the ladies is in TX
and hmm... I wonder if I've said anything offensive to you. it's about 50/50 with people if things I say come off that way or not. It's probably why I wanna meet you in person at least once. That usually helps to get rid of anything that would prevent you from "getting it" I guess. Also, it helps me figure out to prevent anything like that from happening.

YES! For once, real work is actually fun in comparison to tedious fix all work. In other news, the sound quality on my new phone is AMAZING

trying to stay awake. I fell asleep in my chair and they threw a foam football at me, lol

The messages are becoming fewer, so that's good. But he just doesn't seem to get it.

Starting Somewhere in the Middle

I'm a single, twenty-something female and I have a problem: I attract retards. You may scoff, but it's true! And they come in all forms. Socially awkward boys who don't even realize they're tripping all over themselves when they speak. Boys who never truly outgrew the weird middle school phase. Drama queens. Liars. The list goes on and my hope is to share them all with you.

I'm an active girl who keeps myself fairly busy with work and hobbies. I don't meet a lot of men in my normal day-to-day activities, so I signed up with an online dating website. I spend a decent amount of time online and I wind up chatting with a fair amount of boys. Over the course of the next who-knows-how-long, I hope to document some of those conversations here for your amusement. And believe me, they can certainly be amusing.