I Am With No One

I know that normally I'm frustrated and irritated with the retards I attract. And that's genuine. When you're searching for someone to legitimately date, it grows tiresome when you can find nothing but nooblets who have no idea how to talk to a woman.

But Mr. Headcase is different. There's something special about him that entertains me. He amuses me like a shiny, new plaything. Criticize me if you will, but I can't help toying with him like a cat batting at a mouse. Before she devours it.

me: tell me something interesting

Mr. Headcase: like what

me: Anything.
a story
a joke
something interesting you've done lately

Mr. Headcase: sex

me: I'm sorry?
what?

Mr. Headcase: i had sex 7days straight

me: Um... wow.

Mr. Headcase: dont get mad ur not my gf remember

me: No one's mad. I mean I'm glad you're... getting... some. I just don't normally talk about such things with people.

Mr. Headcase: i see
r u really glad or r u mad that i didnt give it to u

me: What? Of course I'm not mad. I had my chance and I gave it up. I have no right to be mad.

Mr. Headcase: what u meann u had ur chance

me: I mean you said you were interested in talking and stuff. You gave me the chance to do that. I didn't take it, so why would I be mad?

Mr. Headcase: whell r u still wanting that chance

me: That would be rather silly of me.
I made my decision. I stand by it. Especially since you've apparently found someone that makes you happy.

Mr. Headcase: i am with no one

me: but you're having sex?

Mr. Headcase: benifits

me: I see.
Well that's nice, I'll bet.
I'm actually dating someone now.

Mr. Headcase: k same here

me: I thought you said it was just benefits?
and that you are with no one?

Mr. Headcase: nope
gf

So I gave him a gentle reminder of the conversation we had been having. By copying and pasting the portion where he clearly states he is with no one and the sex is just benefits, or rather "benifits". Suddenly he goes quiet. How very strange!

me: hey... Where'd you go?

Mr. Headcase: g2g

me: Why?

Mr. Headcase: work

Maybe it's just me, but -- oh who am I kidding? This guy is jacked up in the head.

I Don't Like Typing What I am Saying

The start of the holidays has kept me rather busy, but I've had a couple of conversations pulled and ready for blog prepping.

Mr. Headcase: nothing and arent u too busy to talk to me

me: I'm at work. I have time at work.
Which is why I said we could chat online

Mr. Headcase: well i am too busy to chat online that is why i chat on the phone

me: And yet you're online right now
...chatting

Mr. Headcase: i am not chatting i am looking up codes for my games

me: Oh my bad.
I guess I just don't understand how you can have time for the phone, but not to be online.

Mr. Headcase: because i dont like typing what i am saying

me: Seems odd for someone I met in a role playing chat room

Mr. Headcase: nvm

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. But I promise it gets even better.

U Don't Want Me to Come Visit U?

I don't think today's entry from Mr. Headcase needs much introduction. Or breakdown. It stands on it's own quite well.

Mr. Headcase: did u get my number that i sent u on yahoo

me: I did, but I didn't actually save it. I just don't have time to talk other than online

Mr. Headcase: why dont u have time

me: because I'm extremely busy

Mr. Headcase: where here it is again so u can save it so we can get to know each other better {phone number removed to protect the retards of the world}

me: I'm not going to call.

Mr. Headcase: u dont have to u can text me and u can call me when u have free time before u get busy

me: that just doesn't happen. I would prefer to just talk online

Mr. Headcase: so how would u talk to me whenever i came to see u

me: You're not coming to see me.

Mr. Headcase: says who

me: Says me. I just said it. Right there. Two messages above this one.

Mr. Headcase: lol. what u dont want me to come visit u?

me: No.

Mr. Headcase: oh but let me guess if i lived in the same city as u and gave u my number u would talk to me on the phone and meet me in person wouldnt u?

me: No, probably not.

Introducing Mr. Headcase

I'd like to introduce you to a dear retard of mine. He's been around for a while and pops up on my IM once every month or so. I thought I'd take us back a few months and let you enjoy the idiocy of one of the greatest retards I know.

To really let you enjoy the special...ness of this particular guy, I'm going to have to out myself as a dork. When I was in highschool, I didn't have many friends and spent a lot of time online in chat rooms. I was a big fan of anime at the time, so I could usually be found in one of several anime chats, oftentimes role playing with the other freaks, geeks, and outcasts of the world. For the record, I haven't role played like that in years.

The point is, that's where I met this guy. We hadn't spoken for years. So long I had completely forgotten about him. But I haven't changed screen names on my instant messengers almost ever and he hopped on his old one and found me.

He tried to role play with me a bit, but I wasn't really having much of it. It's something I grew out of, but apparently he didn't because he's in his late twenties and still doing it. Luckily, he's living in a state half way across the country from me. The very first chat we had after so many years included this little gem:

Mr. Headcase: cool i am lookin for a good woman i am tired of being hurt and played

me: Yea, i hear you.

Mr. Headcase: would u be interested

me: Not really.
I'm more interested in dating people I can actually go on dates with.

Mr. Headcase: so u dont do long distance

me: No, not really.

Mr. Headcase: then ur very open minded

me: No, I just know what I want.
And it doesn't include dating someone I can't see or touch
I've been there and I didn't like it

Mr. Headcase: u could see and touch me i can visit u and talk on the phone with u

me: I'm also not really interested in getting into a relationship with someone I don't know.

Mr. Headcase: thats why we talk on the phone to get know each other and when i came to see u and u wanted me to stay with u and not go back then i would live with u

I told you he was special. Obviously I'm doing my best to not encourage his infatuation, but his IMs are always so entertaining. Even after stating pretty clearly I wasn't interested in a relationship with him, we continued chatting for a minute or two. I'll let you read the closing.

me: I'm getting off work in five minutes, so I'm going to be logging off

Mr. Headcase: ?
why

me: because I'm getting off work
and leaving the computer

Mr. Headcase: oh i thought u wanted to get to know me

me: I don't really know what's confusing about the part where I get off work in two minutes... and am therefore leaving my desk.

I'm sure you can only imagine some of the fun things he's said to me. And I'll share more in future posts. Meanwhile, I'll do my best to keep him talking, because this is just pure, retardation at it's comedic best.

The end? Perhaps.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot emailed me, as he promised to do last Friday morning. I think it's best to just let the message stand on it's own so here it is:

So... I figure, just assuming, but I don't know, that you've been avoiding me. That's fine. I would've liked some notice, but meh. If I'm wrong, good for me, if I'm right, good for you.

I don't like making people feel uncomfortable nor do I like trying to be friends w/ someone that doesn't wanna be friends back. If you'd prefer to cut contact w/ me completely, I'll go ahead and remove all traces of you. I dunno what I did or maybe what happened in your life, but it's not my choice what other people think so I'm not gonna get mad or anything. I probably came on too strong which is reasonable.

Well that's all I really thought I should say. Seems like I'm just not getting the point, or you're really just that busy. If I don't get a response in a few days, I think I'll go ahead and remove you so you don't have to deal with me anymore. Sorry about all of this; didn't mean to freak you out at all, but feel free to message any time. I never seem to hold a grudge.

I thought that would be the end of it, but three days later he IMed.

Mr. Talks-a-Lot: howdy
ok, well goodbye forever? ha ha ha. I had forgotten I wrote that e-mail, lol! I stand by my word so don't sorry about me buggin' ya anymore. :P I had fun talkin' to you though.

So hopefully it's done now, but I'm not holding my breath.